You used to just get asked “paper or plastic.” Maybe if you were at Red Lobster, surf or turf. Now, your choice of hot beverage signifies your political affiliation. If you like Peet’s, you’re a Democrat. If you like Lipton, you’re a Republican.
This is too much to think about.
Wait, no it’s not. It’s just hilarious to think about.
The Culture Wars (ahem, Tea Baggers) have robbed us of our right to caffeinate as we please. It’s no longer just Obama vs. the Blue Dogs, or even Obama vs. Rush Limbaugh. It’s now…Starbucks vs. Lipton.
Is there no such thing as dual affiliation? Can't I be an Independent, and like Sumatra and Ceylon at the same time?
As if it wasn’t already enough that Republicans and Democrats can’t agree on the value of taxes, on health care, on how children learn and what they should be taught, on gun laws, on abortion laws, on the value of ethanol, on the value of tofu, on the future of the automobile industry, on the future of the banking industry, on the role of religion in politics, on the role of America in the Global South and on the role of America in the Global North, on whether or not purple states are more red than blue or more blue than red, we are now to argue over coffee vs. tea.
Hey, while I’m there maybe I’ll step over some loose-leaf tea strewn about in an act of political rage. I can just imagine the conversations that must have preceded it.
“You and your elitist liberal bullshit. Here, here’s some Lipton. Why don’t you try equality for a change?”
"Bitch, I drink Sanka!"