marriage

Red Hot Chili (Home)

When the clock struck 2 am at a Brazilian wedding I went to this weekend, I had never felt more gringa. Fighting off sleep and a general sense of shock that people were dining at the hour most Americans are snoring,  I realized that we are, if anything, a modest people. 

But a little after the bride threw her bouquet back behind her, I suddenly heard and felt a flash of home: the (awesome) DJ played the Red Hot Chili Peppers song Give It Away.
It was all somehow fitting: the bride was marrying to go form a new home, and all of her around-30 friends were dancing to the jams that we used to - in Brazil, Cali, or elsewhere - back when we gave away our ambition and attention with more abandon. Now, we give away our time and commitment to just one person, but certain songs still sound like home, even at two in the morning. 

When I Grow Up

The war to win the future is one of messaging. Whether or not we live in the same reality in twenty years will depend, to a great degree, on the language we use to describe that reality.

I was reminded of that last weekend, when I heard a four-year old little boy say that when he grew up, he wanted to marry his babysitter. He went with the simple, easy option that replicated what he knows.

How can we make alternative choices sound that simple?

For kids, it's easier to say “When I grow up, I’m going to get married” than, “When I grow up, I want to be in a non-gendered, open and equitable long-term partner relationship.”

Imagine teaching that to little kids, Dora the Explorer style. “Now, say it with me – ‘romantic partnership’.”



“Can you say, ‘Joint checking accounts?’”